The onion conspiracy

What the heck is up with the onions in Germany????

Everyone’s heard that onions make you cry. Not everyone likes them, they’re one of those controversial flavors that generally you either love or hate. I prefer them cooked for the most part; I’ll usually only eat them raw with Mexican food. Germans have them with everything, at least in Bayern Franken. It’s one of the main food groups, along with potatoes, pork, and pretzels. (Bread in general, but who could resist that alliteration?).

Oh, and beer. Which I forget sometimes, because my roommate doesn’t drink it. We do have it in the fridge at work though, so… Take that as you will.

Onions at home I’ve never really had a problem with. I’ve cut lots of them and sometimes my eyes water a little, especially if I accidentally touch them or, I don’t know, got the desire to stick my face in a bowl of freshly chopped ones and take a big whiff. But usually I don’t have an issue with them at all. A slight annoyance at worst.

German onions are out to kill you. I can’t even cut them in half without my eyes burning in protest. Holding your breath doesn’t save you. And for the sake of your vision DO NOT PUT YOUR HANDS NEAR YOUR FACE.

Every time I have cut an onion since I moved here- which is often because, like I said, main food group- my eyes have started to burn and water. They get red, I can’t see, and it stings. Real bad. I-need-to-go-wash-my-eyes-out-in-the-middle-of-making-dinner-so-too-bad-if-the-food-burns bad. Some people were over on the weekend preparing food for a party and I had to open a window and stick my head out. From the living room! I wasn’t cutting them myself or even in the kitchen at all, and I was crying. (Granted, we were feeding ten people, which meant a whole lot of onions.)

Have I grown up on bland onions or something? Or have Germans genetically engineered their vegetables to double as a chemical bomb? The world may never know.

(However I personally think it’s all done in an attempt to sell more of these, which I have seen people trying to sell at a stand in every single fair so far.)